Surviving Toxic Coworkers: A Professional’s Guide to Workplace Sanity
Issue 203, March 13, 2025
We know we will never like everyone we work with. We don’t assume when we take a new job or move along on our career paths that everyone we come across is likable or shares our motivations or values. We are taught to celebrate our diverse society where people have different views, values and even different ways of working. Just like a family, there is always some dysfunction that needs to be accepted. We intellectually know this and view it as an integral part of the work experience.
Emotional and psychological reactions are another matter entirely. According to a 2023 workplace survey, over 60% of professionals report experiencing intense negative emotions toward at least one colleague during their career.
There are times when those we interact with push us beyond what we’re able to contend with. We can find ourselves full of negative emotions bordering on pure hatred. A while back, one of our most popular weekly newsletters was “Do You Have It? Anger? Rage?” In that piece, we focused on how changes in the workplace and society trigger behaviors. However, we didn’t raise the impact of interpersonal relationships in a workplace that can result in hatred and how to handle those emotions.
The Erosion of Hate
The feeling of hate can become one of your worst nightmares at work and it can influence both your physical and mental health. Remember, we spend one-third of our lives in the workplace.
Here’s a situation; let’s see if it resonates. You’ve just been assigned a marketing director who is charged with promoting your events and content. Your team is dependent on him for success, and you have to work closely with him on a daily basis. You’ve been running your group for years with consistently positive results. However, your CEO has been in deep conversation with his college roommate on modern marketing strategies and decided to bring his friend in to shake things up and update the organization’s marketing approaches.
On the surface, it’s not an unreasonable decision. But here’s the rub; you’re no expert but you’ve become convinced the new marketing lead is either passive-aggressive, bipolar, or both. Every day he presents differently, sometimes argumentative, other times collaborative and respectful and then at other times he is simply aloof. You start to resent him, and you believe you are coming to hate him in the purest definition of the word.
As a result, each morning the job you wake up looking forward to has become a waking nightmare as you anticipate the battles you are going to fight with him and wonder which version of him you are going to get that day.
What do you do?
How to Survive Working with Someone You Hate
Working with or for someone you can’t stand is one of the biggest professional challenges you can face. A supervisor who is a micromanaging control freak, egotistical, insecure or has a managerial style that doesn’t mesh with your values can create a toxic work environment. The same goes for coworkers whose work styles are different than your own.
Quitting isn’t always an option, but you feel your motivation and performance are at an all-time low; you know you aren’t acting normally. You refuse to be defeated, but the day-to-day reality of your job is getting the best of you given the near constant negative emotions you have with your coworker or supervisor.
A few quick tips that are useful for you in any situation that results in intense emotions: Pause and reflect. Before reacting, take time to assess the situation objectively. Identify specific behaviors and pinpoint exactly what actions trigger your negative emotions. Check your assumptions. Consider whether you might be misinterpreting their intentions. Set boundaries. Establish professional distance in at least one area of interaction to change the behavioral pattern.
Managerial Bias
A toxic manager should be held accountable, but the reality is that if management believes he or she is getting the job done, the manager is tolerated. The same can go for coworkers. The power dynamics in most organizations make it easier for employees—especially those without top decision-making authority—to leave rather than be able to force change and contend with difficult managers or coworkers. Is this fair?
Ultimately, employees who feel disrespected by management that refuses to handle toxic personnel situations reach a breaking point. If they see no realistic way to improve the situation, leaving becomes the best option for their mental health and career growth. It seems unduly unfair that professionals fail upward by leveraging their connections or perceived potential even if their track record indicates shortcomings or mistakes. It’s a negative incentive to employees when meritocracy is not fully supported.
Leadership’s Blinders
It’s a sad truth that managers typically have more influence over leadership decisions than the average worker. Even if they are ineffective or disliked, their position gives them the authority to shape narratives and maintain control. Established performance metrics become the primary lens leaders use to assess whether an individual is meeting expectations. And revenues tend to transcend workplace dysfunctions. If customers are buying and profit is increasing, tolerance of toxic behavior takes a backstage position.
Organizations prioritize growth and profit, and unless a manager is causing significant financial or legal issues, leadership may be reluctant to intervene. Workers—especially individual contributors—are often seen as replaceable, while managers, who may have built strong relationships with leadership, are harder to remove. In our case study, personal history and trust built on a collegial relationship may not be the best credentials for running a division. Sadly, some leaders prefer to wear blinders and gather an executive team that panders to them rather than being surrounded by critical thinkers who constructively challenge strategic and operational decisions.
Accountability
Many organizations without objective leadership lack strong accountability measures for managers. If upper management is unaware or complicit, bad managers can continue unchecked. Organizational systems are designed to protect the organization rather than individual employees, making it difficult to push out toxic leaders.
An important tactic is to recognize that individuals are the sum of their parts. Work behavior may be the result of other disruptions in their personal lives. A family or personal health crisis, relationship troubles and even financial woes affect behavior. Everyone is human and understanding what factors may be driving behavior is important.
In truth, toxic behavior may have nothing to do with you, the team or work. It’s hard, but a healthy approach is to remove yourself from the situation — at least mentally. Seek objectivity and take the high road for yourself. It can help you keep things in perspective.
Here are some survival tactics if employees choose to take that high road, not give in and leave.
- Understand motivations. Even the worst managers and coworkers have reasons for their behavior. Understanding their motivations can help depersonalize their actions and make it easier to navigate the workplace dynamic. They could be insecure and under pressure to achieve better results. That makes their behavior more generalized and not directed personally at you. Take the higher road and distance your feelings from the fallout of a dysfunctional manager. Reality check: When a marketing director or coworker criticizes a team’s work publicly, recognize that they may be trying to impress the CEO rather than targeting you specifically.
- Focus on what you can control. You may not be able to control the circumstances of your work life, but you can control how you respond. You can refuse to feel powerless or resentful by controlling your boundaries. Focus on excelling despite bad behavior. Stay composed, don’t take things personally, and minimize emotional reactions. Set personal goals that keep you motivated. And keep your interactions professional and focused on business objectives. Protecting your reputation and rising above the power positioning fray protects you. Reality check: Create a personal project that excites you and showcases your skills, regardless of a difficult relationship. Set specific metrics for yourself that aren’t dependent on your difficult colleague’s approval.
- Build strategic alliances. Create workarounds. If collaboration with a manager or employee is difficult, find ways to work around him. Having allies provides emotional support and opportunities to transition to a new role when the time is right. Reality check: Develop a supportive network and strong relationships with colleagues, clients, or mentors in another department and within the industry who can advocate for your work with senior leadership.
- Document everything. Never underestimate the value of data and documentation. Keep records; save emails, take notes on concerning conversations, and track instances where your manager or coworker’s behavior affects your work. Documentation can be evidence if you ever need to escalate the issue to higher leadership. Reality check: After a confusing verbal directive, send a follow-up email summarizing what you understood the instructions to be, creating a paper trail of communications.
Transactional Environment
Based on recent developments in our society, we seem to have entered a transactional era that is seeping into the workplace. Organizational cultures are caving to dogmatic directives. Depersonalization has replaced empathetic cultures. A new trend is emerging giving executives an excuse to reclaim vast power over the workforce. A collaborative workplace culture is being superseded by forcing a return to the office and firing people who don’t agree. Axios reports, “This is a boss’s administration says Aaron Sojurner, a labor economist with the W.E. Upjohn Institute for Employment Research.” In an interesting turn of events, the Great Resignation mentality is fading along with employee empowerment.
We have always advocated the power of an enlightened organization that genuinely values employee satisfaction, innovation, and productivity. That ecosystem needs to be led by strong leaders who believe in shared purpose and a North Star for the good of all stakeholders. Listening to employee feedback and holding managers and coworkers accountable provide the trust and infrastructure to keep an organization healthy and resilient. Running it as a transaction forces everyone to make deals, compete against each other and capitulate to the basest instincts of survival of the fittest.
Facing Adversity
Despite the challenges, we remain optimists. Even in a demoralizing transactional environment, working for someone you hate can be a valuable learning experience. How you respond says a lot about your own ethics, psyche and motivations. From a positive perspective, you could consider it survival training on the battleground and practice resilience and conflict resolution. Let’s face it, we learn more lasting and valuable lessons from negative experiences. Every bad boss we’ve ever had improves our own leadership abilities. Every challenging coworker we come across helps us deal with others in different situations. Mistakes guide us on what not to do on our own professional journey. How we react and adapt, or not, is the key.
Moving Forward with Purpose
Build relationships, stay professional, set boundaries, and strategize for the future. Turn every experience into a stepping-stone for greater awareness. Remember: Bad managers and coworkers don’t last forever, but you and your career do. Play the long game and make choices that serve your future, not just to mitigate your immediate frustrations. At the end of the day, you don’t have to like or respect everyone you work with—but staying focused on your own success and keeping emotions in check can help you navigate the situation smoothly with personal dignity intact.
What workplace challenges are you facing today? We invite you to share your experiences and strategies in the comments below or reach out to us directly for a more in-depth conversation.
Get “The Truth about Transformation”
The 2040 construct to change and transformation. What’s the biggest reason organizations fail? They don’t honor, respect, and acknowledge the human factor. We have compiled a playbook for organizations of all sizes to consider all the elements that comprise change and we have included some provocative case studies that illustrate how transformation can quickly derail.
