The Grief You Can’t Name – How Change and Transformation Influence You
The Grief You Can’t Name
How Change and Transformation Influence You
Issue 237, November 6, 2025
“This process, these checks, they’re not just procedures. They’re who we are. Without them, what are we?”
A quality control inspector at an organization said this during the implementation of AI-powered quality systems. His voice wasn’t defensive. It was vulnerable. He wasn’t arguing against efficiency. He was mourning an identity.
This is what most change and transformation leaders miss. When organizations ask people to change how they work, they’re not just asking them to learn new procedures. They’re asking them to grieve what made them valuable, release what gave them pride, and trust that something on the other side of that loss will be worth it.
Organizations pour billions into change management while ignoring the psychological truth underneath: regardless of the situation, when confronted with organizational change, humans go through the same grief cycle first identified by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Her book On Death and Dying, published in 1969, introduced the concept of the Five Stages of Grief. Those five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. She focused her work on those experiencing illnesses that were likely to soon lead to death. Her intent wasn’t an application to organizational change or transformation, or even a recognition of how we all go through stages when confronted with any personal or professional change. However, ongoing research and our own study of the human factor, demonstrate her model’s applicability. Understanding these stages can help inform individuals facing change as much as for how leaders approach transformation.
The Neuroscience of Why Change Hurts
Before exploring the grief stages, understanding why organizational change and transformation creates genuine psychological pain is essential. When professionals develop expertise over years or decades, they’re not just accumulating knowledge. They’re building neural superhighways, automatic processing pathways that make work feel effortless.
Try this exercise. Fold your arms across your chest. Notice which arm is on top. Now unfold them and fold them again with the opposite arm on top.
It feels wrong. Uncomfortable. Unnatural.
That’s what change feels like to experienced professionals. And if arms folded one way for a lifetime feel that wrong when reversed, imagine unlearning something an organization and the individuals of the workforce have been doing for decades. Those neural pathways don’t disappear. They remain, constantly pulling people back toward familiar patterns. This is competence addiction, when professional identity becomes so fused with specific practices that change feels like personal extinction and confuses what was known as one’s professional identity. Everything is upended: how they contributed to the organization, their team and their customers day to day, along with the expertise that made them valuable to those around them.
The Bridges Transition Model: What Organizations Miss
Before diving into the transitional grief stages, understanding William Bridges’ transition framework is essential. It builds and correlates to Kübler-Ross’ earlier work.
William Bridges is best known for his work on transition management and the Bridges Transition Model. For readers of our book, “The Truth About Transformation” you know we covered the transition model extensively and correlating the model to our suggested change and transformation transition curve.
Bridges distinguishes between change (external shifts in systems and processes) and transition (the internal psychological journey people experience). Most organizations manage change while ignoring transition, which is why resistance persists despite perfect technical, strategic or operational implementation. Personally, we also often fail to see or recognize the transitions we go through during personal change. The focus often remains on the external catalyst. Not the transitionary process we must manage.
Bridges outlined three key stages of transition. The first stage is Ending, Losing, and Letting Go. The second stage is The Neutral Zone. The third stage is The New Beginning. What most organizations get wrong, if they even recognize the necessity of human transition, is attempting to skip straight to the new beginning without honoring the ending or acknowledging the messy middle. The new system gets launched, a reorganization is put into place, a business line shut down. We often jump without looking or thinking about the human consequences of decisions and actions.
Stage 1: Ending, Losing, and Letting Go
This stage involves the emotional and psychological responses as people confront the loss of familiar routines, the conceptions they have formed in their minds in how they see, define and reference their professional identity.
They experience denial, resistance, anger, frustration, grief, and anxiety. Notice these are the same emotions identified by the Kübler-Ross in her grief model. This isn’t coincidence. Organizational change triggers genuine grief in nearly all individuals, even when they themselves aren’t sure what they are feeling.
Stage 2: The Neutral Zone
The Neutral Zone is characterized by uncertainty and confusion as people adapt to new circumstances, often leading to decreased motivation. Old systems are gone, new ones aren’t fully operational, and everyone feels lost. This is the productivity valley of death that organizations desperately want to skip.
But here’s what Bridges understood that most leaders don’t. The essence of life takes place in the neutral zone phase of transition. This is where innovation happens. This is where breakthrough thinking emerges. This is where people develop new ways of working that couldn’t have been designed from the outside.
During the Library of Congress digital transformation, the neutral zone was when librarians started experimenting with how digital tools could create new forms of discovery. They weren’t defending the old stacks system anymore, but they also hadn’t fully embraced the digital future. In that in-between space, they invented approaches nobody anticipated. Hybrid search strategies. New taxonomies. Ways of connecting physical and digital resources that only people living in both worlds could conceive.
Organizations that acknowledge and plan for the neutral zone rather than trying to power through it create the space for genuine transformation. This means providing additional support, training, and psychological safety. It means being patient with decreased productivity. It means creating forums for experimentation and learning. It means constant communication even when the message is “we’re still figuring this out.” Without constant communication, organizations are putting the responsibility onto the individual to seek information and validate assumptions while also trying to reset their own professional identity.
Stage 3: The New Beginning
The New Beginning stage represents positive acceptance of the change, where people begin to embrace new roles and ideas, leading to renewed enthusiasm and connection to the organization. But this stage cannot be rushed. Organizations cannot skip the first two stages and jump here. Transition is a process, and it doesn’t happen with the same timing for everyone.
The new beginning isn’t just about learning new systems or processes. It’s about developing a new identity. It’s about people seeing themselves differently, understanding their value in new ways, and feeling reconnected to organizational purpose. This new beginning leverages the skills and knowledge individuals represent, but recasts both in new light and ways that correlate to a redefinition of self in the organizational context.
The Grief Stages Within the Transition
While Bridges provides the macro framework of transition stages, the Kübler-Ross grief stages reveal the psychological micro-movements within that journey, particularly during the Ending stage. Understanding both frameworks together provides leaders with a complete picture of what people experience during organizational change.
Stage 1: Denial – “This Won’t Really Affect Us”
Denial manifests as minimization. “This is just another initiative.” “We’ll wait and see if this actually happens.” “Our work is different, so the new approach won’t apply to us.” People aren’t being obstinate. They’re protecting themselves from processing a loss they’re not ready to acknowledge.
Consider a quality control team at an organization that spent thirty years building the most thorough inspection process in their industry. Weeks of checkpoints. Pride in catching defects competitors missed. Their identity was inseparable from their process. Then an AI system emerged doing comparable quality checks in days instead of weeks.
Their first response wasn’t anger. It was denial. “AI can’t understand nuance.” “Machines miss what human judgment catches.” “Our customers value the human touch.” Each statement had truth embedded in it, which made the denial more sophisticated and harder to challenge.
The mistake most leaders make is arguing with denial using logic. They present data showing the AI’s accuracy rates. They demonstrate cost savings. They explain market pressures. None of it penetrates because denial isn’t a logical position. It’s an emotional defense against a psychological threat.
The effective strategy is acknowledging what’s being lost before discussing what’s being gained. “This team has built something remarkable here. This process has produced exceptional quality for decades. The new system isn’t saying the work didn’t matter. It’s saying the world has changed, and adaptation is necessary to stay relevant.”
Stage 2: Anger – “Who Made This Decision?”
When denial becomes unsustainable, anger emerges. Not as irrationality, but as the first stage where people engage with the reality of change. The anger is often directed at leadership, consultants, or “people who don’t understand the real work.” But underneath, the anger is about loss of control, fear of obsolescence, and frustration that expertise feels suddenly devalued.
Anger sounds like: “This is a terrible idea.” “Leadership doesn’t understand what we actually do.” “This will never work.” “They’re destroying what made us successful.”
The natural leadership response is defending the decision, which transforms productive anger into destructive resentment. Instead, anger needs to be acknowledged as legitimate response to legitimate loss. “You’re right to be frustrated. You’ve mastered a process that’s now changing fundamentally. That’s genuinely difficult.”
The powerful question during the anger stage is: “What are you most afraid of losing?” Not “why are you resisting?” but “what matters to you that feels threatened?” This redirects anger from unproductive venting to constructive dialogue about what needs to be preserved, or at least recognized and discussed, and yes, processed mentally, as change moves forward.
Stage 3: Bargaining – “Can We Keep Our Old Process?”
Bargaining manifests as negotiation with reality. People propose hybrid approaches, suggest delayed implementation for their team, or offer modifications that would preserve elements of the old way. “What if we run both systems for a while?” “Can we customize this to work more like our old process?” “Maybe we could use the new system for some things but keep our approach for critical work?”
This phenomenon can be called psychological ghosts, when old ways aren’t properly buried so they keep rising from the dead. Organizations end up with Excel spreadsheets running parallel to new CRMs, informal meetings duplicating formal processes, shadow systems undermining official ones.
An organization spent eight months “optimizing” their new production management system to replicate workflows from their legacy system. By the time they finished, they’d recreated the old system on new infrastructure. They’d changed everything and nothing. The bargaining had worked perfectly, which meant the transformation had failed completely.
The solution is setting clear boundaries while honoring the underlying need. “We’re not going to recreate the old system. But let’s identify which elements of your current workflow genuinely serve the work versus simply feel familiar.” This acknowledges the expertise embedded in existing practices while maintaining direction toward necessary change.
Stage 4: Depression – “I Can’t Learn This New Way”
Depression presents as disengagement. Attendance drops. Participation declines. The energy that characterized denial and anger phases evaporates. People stop arguing because they’ve stopped believing their opinion matters. This is the most dangerous stage because it feels like acceptance. It’s not. It’s exhaustion wearing acceptance’s clothing.
During the Library digitization initiative mentioned earlier, a reference librarian expressed it this way: “I know digitization is necessary, but I’m mourning the loss of people discovering knowledge by wandering the stacks or seeking my counsel. That serendipity is gone.”
Her depression wasn’t about technology resistance. It was about identity loss. Her expertise, her craft, the moments that made her work meaningful, all felt threatened. A technology company three months into their agile transformation noticed their best developers stopped arguing about sprint planning. Leadership celebrated this as “finally getting buy-in.” Six months later, those developers left for competitors. Exit interviews revealed the truth: they hadn’t embraced agile, they’d given up believing their expertise would be valued.
The worst response is rushing people out of depression with forced enthusiasm or motivational speeches. The best response is creating space for honest conversation about loss. “What are you grieving?” Not “why aren’t you more positive?” but “what matters to you that feels like it’s disappearing?”
Depression is progress, not regression. This is the stage where real psychological work happens, where people begin releasing what’s ending and considering what’s beginning.
Stage 5: Acceptance – “I Can See How This Works”
Acceptance emerges as genuine curiosity. Questions shift from “why are we doing this?” to “how do we make this work?” Suggestions move from preserving the old to optimizing the new. Energy returns, but differently than before. Not naive enthusiasm about the future, but realistic engagement with present reality.
The mechanism that enables acceptance is cognitive bridging, when people discover how their existing expertise connects to new requirements. The quality control inspector, mentioned earlier, over this period realized his pattern recognition skill, developed over decades of visual inspection, was exactly what made him exceptional at training and validating AI quality systems. His expertise wasn’t obsolete. It was evolving.
A financial services professional who initially resisted a new data-driven relationship management system later said: “I’ve spent years learning that clients want to feel heard. This system helps me hear more clients than I ever could before.” His core professional value, the ability to make people feel understood, wasn’t diminished by the technology. It was amplified.
Authentic acceptance can’t be mandated or manufactured. It emerges when grief is acknowledged rather than suppressed.
Leading Through Both Transition and Grief
Understanding both the Bridges transition model and the Kübler-Ross grief stages changes everything about how leaders approach transformation. The Bridges model shows the three macro stages people move through. The grief stages show the psychological experiences within those transitions, particularly during the Ending phase.
Here’s what integrated, grief-aware and transition-aware leadership looks like in practice:
During the Ending Stage (with its denial, anger, bargaining, depression): Acknowledge what’s being lost before discussing what’s being gained. Create space for people to talk about what made the old way valuable. Listen without defending. Ask “what are people afraid of losing?” Set clear boundaries while honoring underlying needs. Recognize depression as progress, not regression.
During the Neutral Zone: Provide additional support and training. Be patient with decreased productivity. Create forums for experimentation. Communicate constantly, even when the message is uncertainty. Give people space to develop new approaches that combine old expertise with new requirements.
During the New Beginning (with its acceptance): Help people discover cognitive bridges between old expertise and new requirements. Show how existing strengths apply to new contexts. Celebrate early wins. Let people who’ve reached acceptance help those still in earlier stages.
The Transformation Assessment Difference
Traditional transformation planning ignores both transition psychology and grief cycles entirely. Plans measure technical readiness while psychological readiness determines actual outcomes. The Transformation Psychology Series, on 2040digital.com, helps you determine where people are in both the transition journey and the grief cycle, providing specific strategies for each stage. Because neither transition nor grief can be skipped, they can only be acknowledged or ignored. Ignoring them just makes transformation take longer and fail more often.
From Transition and Grief to Growth
When organizations navigate both transition stages and grief cycles skillfully, something remarkable happens. People don’t just accept change. They discover that their expertise was never about specific tools or processes. It was about judgment, pattern recognition, relationship building, and problem-solving. These capabilities transcend any particular system and recognize that our humanness is still very important and needed in a tech-infused world.
The quality control inspector moved through all three transition stages over eight months, experiencing denial, anger, bargaining, and depression along the way. Leadership wanted to rush him through in eight weeks. The difference matters. He eventually reached the new beginning and became the organization’s leading voice for intelligent quality systems. Not despite his thirty years of manual inspection experience, but because of it. His value to the organization increased dramatically.
That’s the promise on the other side of transition and grief. Not that change is painless, but that expertise is more portable and valuable than most people think. The key is acknowledging both the transition journey and the grief it contains instead of rushing past them.
Where are people in the organization with changes they’re facing? Are they still in the ending stage, denying the loss or angry at the disruption? Are they in the neutral zone, confused but starting to experiment? Have some reached the new beginning while others are still bargaining? Understanding these stages is the first step toward leading people through them skillfully.
Remember change and transformation isn’t about technology, it’s about people.
Explore the Full Framework: This issue builds directly on Part 1: The 5 Stages of Transformation Grief from our Transformation Psychology Series. Read the complete framework to understand the theoretical foundation behind these practices.
Start Your Journey: New to transformation psychology? Begin with Part 1: Transformation Grief and Part 8: Change vs. Transition to understand the fundamental distinction between situational change and psychological transition.
Assess Your Readiness: Take the Transformation Readiness Assessment to measure your organization’s psychological preparedness for change, including how well you’re addressing the emotional dimensions of transition.
Go Deeper: Subscribe to the Human Factor Podcast where in Episode 005, we explore these grief cycles and discuss experiences of loss, resistance, and acceptance during organizational change and the tactics and strategies that help.
If you haven’t yet subscribed to the Human Factor Podcast, find it on your favorite podcast platform. Over the first 5 episodes, Kevin has covered frameworks and strategies to mitigate and contend/strategize how to change and transform. It’s destination business strategy listening!
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Connect with Us
Do you want to assess your or your organization’s readiness? We recently launched a free assessment tool on our website. The tool takes 5 minutes to complete, and you immediately receive a score and additional information and advice based on your readiness, including best practices and lessons learned.
Explore the Human Factor Method and the Transformation Assessment. What stories are shaping your organization’s biggest decisions right now? We’d love to hear your insights. Share your experiences with us on our Substack or join the conversation on our LinkedIn. For more insights on navigating transformation in today’s complex business environment, explore our archive of “Ideas and Innovations” newsletters or pick up a copy of The Truth About Transformation.
The Truth About Transformation: Why Most Change Initiatives Fail (And How Yours Can Succeed)
Why do 70% of organizational transformations fail?
The brutal truth: It’s not about strategy, technology, or resources. Organizations fail because they fundamentally misunderstand what drives change—the human factor.
While leaders obsess over digital tools, process improvements, and operational efficiency, they’re missing the most critical element: the psychological, behavioral, and cultural dynamics that actually determine whether transformation takes hold or crashes and burns.
The 2040 Framework reveals what really works:
- Why your workforce unconsciously sabotages change (and how to prevent it)
- The hidden biases that derail even the best-laid transformation plans
- How to build psychological safety that accelerates rather than impedes progress
- The difference between performative change and transformative change that sticks
This isn’t theory—it’s a battle-tested playbook. We’ve compiled real-world insights from organizations of all sizes, revealing the elements that comprise genuine change. Through provocative case studies, you’ll see exactly how transformations derail—and more importantly, how to ensure yours doesn’t.
What makes this different: While most change management books focus on process and tools, The Truth About Transformation tackles the messy, complex, utterly human reality of organizational change. You’ll discover why honoring, respecting, and acknowledging the human factor isn’t just nice—it’s the difference between transformation and expensive reorganization.
Perfect for: CEOs, change leaders, consultants, and anyone tired of watching transformation initiatives fizzle out despite massive investment.
Now available in paperback—because real transformation requires real understanding.
Ready to stop failing at change? Your organization’s future depends on getting this right.
